Letterbox Contact Information

Keeping in contact can be a really hard thing to do and you are bound to feel very sad at times about what’s happened. It is important for you not to dwell on these feelings in your letters. The adoptive parents are advised not to share information with the child that may cause them to become worried or upset. Please avoid emotional comments, such as: “I am so angry they took you away” or “I cry myself to sleep”. The expectation is that the adoptive parents write first at the beginning of the agreed month.

The letters don’t have to be written in any particular way but these are some suggestions for the beginning, middle and end.

Beginning

Start the letter with the first name of the adult you’re writing to:

• ”Dear Julie” if known or;
• “To Daniel’s adoptive parents"

Middle, what to include

• This is a chance to make a good relationship with the child’s adoptive parents eg “Thanks for the news about how Kiran is getting on.”
• Respond to the adoptive parents’ news and comment on any achievements ie

“I am pleased he can swim” “I am happy that she has made some friends”

• Give news about yourself, perhaps about your home, whether you are working, any hobbies and what you enjoy doing. For example:

“I have moved to a new flat in Birmingham.”

“I have started a new job at Asda.”

“My dog Toby keeps me busy and fit.”

• Give news of your family such as “I bought granddad Jacob a Manchester United mug for his 60th birthday.”
• You could also give some news about the child’s brothers and sisters who are living with you e.g. “Sonia loves playing music and having her friends round.”
• Please share with the adopters any hereditary condition (e.g. epilepsy or heart condition etc.) the birth or death of a birth relative. For example, “Auntie Amber sadly passed away from a kidney disease.” This could save the child experiencing unprepared loss and could make the adoptive parents aware of possible future illnesses
• Share happy stories about you or your family when they were growing up or information about yourself as a child eg “I was good at swimming.”

End

Whilst you will always remain the child’s birth parent or birth relative they will also be calling their adoptive parents mummy and daddy, or mum and dad. Please sign your letter using your first name or including your first name eg  “birth mum or mummy Sarah” or “birth dad, daddy Jack”, alternatively eg “Aisha’s birth parents”. Signing the letter in this way will help your child understand and make sense of the difference between their birth family and adoptive family

DO NOT include

• Your address or contact telephone number in the letter
• Any birthday cards or Christmas cards that are not part of the agreed arrangement
• Requests for things which are not part of the arrangement eg photos
• Letterbox cannot accept the exchange of gifts, vouchers or money because we can’t be held responsible for these items and will not pass them on
• Avoid letters that could be seen as undermining the adoptive parents such as “you will always be my little girl” or “love from your real mum”

If letters received are unsuitable the Letterbox administrators may need to contact you to offer support and advice

Sample letter

• Sample letter for birth family to adoptive parents

Sending your letter

By post

Put your letter in an envelope with the child’s birth name and date of birth on the envelope. This envelope should be sent in a larger envelope with a covering note including your name and present address, contact telephone number and email address. Address this larger envelope to the address below​:

By email

Include the child’s birth name and date of birth in the email. Attach all relevant documents and your letters to an email and send to the email address below.

Contact us

• Telephone: 0121 303 1010

Email letterbox administration