Becky and Georgina's story: Learning to put yourself in your child's shoes

Two women smile into the camera. They are holding their baby daughter between them, she has a dummy in her mouth. Published: 5th Mar 2021

Becky and her partner Georgina had always wanted to adopt. This is their adoption story...

Becky and her partner Georgina had always wanted to adopt so they came along to an adoption information event to find out more, and within a month a home visit was arranged.

Becky recalls, “We thought the process of adopting would be long and drawn out, but once we were allocated a key worker our expectations were made very clear. It took a total of 15 months from our initial interest to being approved, and we were supported throughout the journey.

“We found out about our match with our daughter Emily when she was nine months old, and by eleven months old she was part of our family. It was special we were able to celebrate her first birthday together, along with so many other major milestones.

“I would say the key attributes you need are love, support, patience and stability, and if you have those then you can become an adopter and be a family.”

“In terms of the matching process we read reports about our daughter but we did not look at any pictures as we were in love with her before we met. Obviously we were excited, nervous and desperate that the connection would be there.

“Incredibly my sister had a baby at the same time we adopted Emily so we spent our maternity and adoption leave together which helped a lot because we could share experiences.”

Adoption support

When asked about the support from the Trust during the adoption process Becky said: “My key worker Trish was fantastic, I could not speak more highly about her, she was with us all the way and made sure we took part in all the training on offer, including therapeutic play and how to build a life story.

“During the training we learned that the most important thing is that an adoption doesn’t fail. You need to be clear about expectations and understand that whilst the process can seem lengthy and intrusive this is in place to make sure adoption is right for you. You need to think hard and assess if you have the right skills, the patience and the ability to be non-judgemental.

“Now our daughter can talk and reach out to us for kisses and cuddles it is amazing, there is no better feeling.”

“Learning that you have to explain their past to your children when they grow up was a difficult idea for me at first. It really helped me to understand why and look at it from the child's point of view - it's natural that they would want to know about their story. We already talk about Emily's "tummy mummy" so there are no nasty surprises later. I know that there could be difficulties with this later but I feel prepared and I know that Birmingham Children's Trust will always support us and Emily.

“I would say the key attributes you need are love, support, patience and stability, and if you have those then you can become an adopter and be a family.”

Life as a family of three

Asked about what life is like now as an adopter Georgina said: “Well we haven’t slept properly for a long time!  But that's something we have learned to live with. It is the simple things we do as a family that makes it all worthwhile, baking a cake or going out and playing in the park."

“Now our daughter can talk and reach out to us for kisses and cuddles it is amazing, as she is growing up you get that love back and there is no better feeling.”

On being a same-sex couple Becky added: “We were initially worried that children awaiting adoption would be placed with a male and female couple, and when we found what we thought would be a match that we would not be top of the pile, but this was not the case at all. We made sure that we had very clear communication channels set up with our key worker so we never felt there would be any problems.

“When we initially looked into adoption we were in rented accommodation and thought this would be a barrier, much more so than being a gay couple, but we found out that our income is only one factor. Once people realise they do not need to have a certain salary or a certain type of home then I think even more people will come forward and apply to be adopters.”

Becky concludes: “You can make a world of difference in a child’s life, but you need to put yourself into that child’s shoes, and understand where they have come from. If you have love, patience and empathy you can make it work and become an adopter.”


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